Brooke Wyndham Facing Capital Penalty

Mason Cruz-Abrams

Fitness sensation and mega-influencer Brooke Wyndham, who is in her early 20s, is facing trial for the alleged murder of her wealthy, virile husband, who was tragically shot and killed at the young age of 60. As a former Delta Nu sorority legend, Ms. Wyndham has to prove her innocence in court without revealing an alibi that would destroy her career. Aiding in her defense is a cracked legal team, including the deceptively intelligent but consistently marginalized Elle Woods, who must prove that she is serious and intellectually formidable in order to win back her supermodel handsome ex-boyfriend, Warner Huntington III, who may or may not have written this.

Serving as co-counsel on the trial is the legal superhero and ladies’ man Emmett Forrest. Harboring a blatantly obvious love obsession for Elle, Emmett must help prove Ms. Wyndham’s innocence in order to become an associate at his mildly creepy boss, Professor Callahan’s, firm. Balancing these two objectives is proving tricky for Mr. Forrest, as the girl whom he loves is in love with Warner.

Further complicating the defense of Ms. Wyndham is the dashing Mr. Argitakos, who constantly befuddles the defense by keeping his sexuality veiled. Hopefully, the combination of fierce intellect and cosmopolitan cachet of the Legally Blonde cast and crew can keep Ms. Wyndham out of jail!


Will Ms. Wyndham be executed? Find out on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday night at the Legally Blonde Musical!


Note – this is satire. This article does not report on real news, nor does it reflect the opinions of the author or the newspaper.